Just thought I'd explain that title...I have been getting rancid heartburn for the last week or so, no doubt because I've been eating like a truffle pig.
It begs the question - why do I carry on overeating, even when it's making me feel bad? Hmmmm, $64million question.
But you know, I looked at the wedding ring we picked up at the weekend tonight. All sparkling and full of promise. How can I not make an effort for the big day? He deserves a slightly-less-fat bride, even though he loves me the way I am. I'm sure he'd fancy me more if I wasn't quite so squidgy.
It broke my heart looking around Bluewater and realising that almost every shop we went in didn't cater for me. FFS, I'm not 20 stone or anything! I'm not a freakshow circus act, I just eat a bit too much, too often! I could have cried. If anything will get me slim, it's the wedding and the constant reinforcement that I am too damn fat for trendy clothes...
Damn clothes designers. I mean, EVANS, don't get me started. They design clothes for middle aged matrons with huge tummies. Compared to my arse, my waist is actually quite little, so I don't need the extra material. Evans jeans come with a built in apron, which hangs unflatteringly over my tum like a reminder that fat girls don't deserve to look good. I swear, I was pining for being a size 14 again looking around those out-of-bounds shops.
Also, I'm 34. I'm not going to be able to wear all the trendy stuff I want to EVER if I don't get my arse into gear soon. I'm already well past Top Shop (I can't even get in the SHOP let alone the clothes) but it's so unfair, I feel as if life is pasing me by and it's all my own fault. 
Is it an eating disorder? I dunno, maybe it's just a stopping-eating disorder. I have to beat this though.
I've got M's birthday on Friday (curry and drinks out) and then a girls night on the town with K on Saturday. Much drinking and stuff. However, apart from that, I can be good. I will start NOW. Not tomorrow or next Monday, but NOW. At 21:59 on Wednesday 5th October.
Wish me luck.
Anyone got any Rennies? This sodding heartburn is the pits! 
you are the same weight as me!!i'm struggling too.
good luck mate!